Attention to Details
by Anna Carrera
Summary: An AU story of Meredith and Derek, their relationship, and their lives. Oh also, I don't own GA.
1. Chapter 1

"Where do you think you'll go?"

Derek sighed, turning toward the concerned voice of his mother. "I don't know, I spoke with Dr. Webber from Seattle. He said he was looking for someone to head up the neurosurgery department at Seattle Grace…

"And is that something that you really want to do right now? Move directly across the country to run away from your problems?"

"Mom, I'm not avoiding my problems…I'm taking time to think. I can't breathe here anymore."

"And what about your marriage? You're willing to throw away the past eleven years of your life because you need time to 'think?'" Miriam Shepherd looked expectantly at her son, studying his tired posture and looking into his once sparkling and playful eyes. "Derek, sweetheart, you know I love you, I will support any decision you make and stand behind you no matter what. You are my child. But honey, are you absolutely certain that this is what you want to do? This is something that will change your life drastically. I'm sure you'll be taking a pay cut, leaving a private practice--"

"Mom, please."

"Not to mention the distance. Seattle is so far from us here in New York. I mean at least now you're only a couple hours away…" She trailed off seeing that her efforts were fairly futile. "Derek, what I'm about to say, you're not going to like."

"Then don't," He stated sharply.  
She sighed sympathetically. "Derek what you two had…I've never seen that...between anyone, ever. She lov--"

"Don't! Don't you say it. Not now. You're supposed to be defending me! You just said you'd be supportive. So, go ahead. Support me. But don't you talk about her. Don't even mention her name." He paused, desperately, "Just the thought of him, with his hands on her, makes me sick to my stomach." The last sentence was spoken with more venom than Miriam had heard in a long time.

"Alright. I'll be supportive. No more attempts at super-mom, I'll be side-line mom… When do you think you'll leave for Seattle?" She said, dreading his response.

Derek looked at her with a look she could not read and answered, "As soon as fucking possible."

It was then that she knew her son was lost, sinking into a vast abyss which she could neither understand, nor even begin to try and save him from. He had to save himself. What she wouldn't do to take away his pain, she thought. She'd always had a good relationship with her daughter-in-law. The events of the past few days, however, and her son's heartbreaking appearance on her doorstep two days ago in the middle of the night, were certainly cause for a reevaluation of things she'd thought she'd known.

"Alright," she finally said, "I'll help you get your things figured out tomorrow and I'm sure you will be far away from us by the end of the week."

"Mom, please. You know this has nothing to do with you or dad. It'll kill me to be away from the girls too. Not to mention the rest of the family…but not as much as it would kill me to stay here right now."

"I know, I know. I'm just trying to guilt trip you into staying…you can't blame me for trying."

He smiled sadly, "No, no I can't."

A strange silence then fell over them. It wasn't awkward or uncomfortable; it was the kind of silence that hangs in the air. It was a silence you could taste, the kind that anyone, upon entering the room, would be able to feel to the bone. As Derek was pondering this, and realizing just how skillfully he had mastered the art of wallowing in the past few days, it occurred to him that it was quite late.

"Alright, I think I'm gonna go to bed. I have a busy few days ahead of me."  
Miriam nodded, "alright, you do that, sleep tight kiddo. I love you."

"Thanks Mom, I love you too." With that he stood and walked to the stairs, turning at the bottom to look back at her in what she assumed was an attempt to smile, showing he was ok. Unfortunately for him, physical appearance of the smile betrayed his mental intention, causing his mother to see just how 'not ok' he actually was.

She went about cleaning up the kitchen from their impromptu midnight snack and as she was almost finished something caught her eye. There on the table, in all it's platinum glory, was Derek's wedding band. She picked it up and read the inscription inside,_ "It's intense…9-29-95"_

"Dammit Meredith, how could you do this to him?" She whispered to herself, "How could you cheat on my son?"


	2. Chapter 2

Derek stood in front of the main entrance to Seattle Grace Hospital. SGH. In Seattle. Seattle. WASHINGTON. He was out of his element. He was several thousand miles away from everything he had ever known. Taking a deep breath, he stepped forward through the entrance and found his way to the surgical wing.

"Excuse me," He began, asking an attractive blonde in light blue scrubs, "could you please direct me toward Dr. Webber's office?" She smiled warmly at him, "Yeah sure, I'm actually on my way there right now to drop off some paperwork so you can follow me."

"Thanks." He said and trailed her retreating form. "I'm Izzie, by the way." He met her gaze, "It's nice to meet you, I'm Derek."

"So…what business do you have with the chief, if you don't mind me asking?"

"I'm the new attending in Neuro"

"Ohh…so you're Dr. Shepherd…"

"Apparently my reputation precedes me."

She met his gaze and smiled at him, "Don't worry, we've all heard tons stories from the chief about his favorite student at Tufts, nothing bad."

"Oh, well then," He let out a relieved sigh, "I guess I have nothing to worry about."

They reached the chief's office. "Alright, well here we are. I'm sure you don't need me to go in with you." She turned to walk away.

"Wait!" Derek called, "Don't you have paperwork to deliver?"

Izzie smiled at him, "Nope." He looked at her confused, "I just wanted to see what the cute guy was doing in admittance."

"Oh, um…"

Izzie laughed at his flustered state, "Don't worry, I'm seeing someone."

He smiled at her, "Okay then, have a good day Dr., um…"

"Stevens, Dr. Stevens, I'll see you around Dr. Shepherd."

Derek opened the door to the chief's office, walked in, and met the eyes of his mentor. "Dr. Webber! It's great to see you again!"

"Derek! Please, I've known you for fourteen years, call me Richard."

"Alright, Richard it is. So let's get down to business…"

Meanwhile, in the intern locker room Izzie and Christina were both changing after their shifts.

"So," Izzie began, "I met the new head of neuro"

"Oh? Dr. Shepherd? What was he like? Huge ego I bet, right?"

"No, not really."

"Hah. He's one of those insecure 'woh is me,' ridiculously talented surgeons, then?"

"I don't know, he seemed…sad."

"Yeah, I'd be sad too, if I was making millions of dollars a year."

"No really Christina, I felt bad for him."

"Uh huh. It's probably an act. Fifty bucks says he tries to bed you in a week"

"Well he was hot."

"Really? How hot are we talking here?"

"Hmm how do I describe him, he was like…McDreamy"

Christina smiled, "Seriously?"

Izzie looked at her gleefully, "Seriously!"

"Welcome to Seattle, Dr. McDreamy."

After several tedious hours of filling out paperwork and discussing the "old days" with Richard, Derek filed out of the hospital feeling worse than when he had gone in. Signing his contract only solidified the fact that he was, in fact, committing to living here, in Seattle. As much as he hated himself for thinking it, he missed his wife. He wanted to go home and crawl into bed and just cuddle with her and pretend the last few weeks, hell the last few years even, hadn't happened.

With these thoughts fresh in his mind, four words crossed his lips, "I need a drink." He had seen a bar right near the hospital as he was pulling into the lot earlier. That would be the perfect place to drown his sorrows for the night. As he walked into the bar he noticed a few patrons scattered around. He took a place on a stool and ordered a glass of Johnny Walker Green, which was apparently the most expensive scotch the bar carried. He made a mental note to pick up some Blue label the next chance he got.

As the hours passed, he noticed the bar began to fill. He recognized a few faces from earlier in the hospital; apparently this was where the staff went to unwind after a stressful day of saving lives. Looking up, he noticed that cute blonde from earlier. He thought about going over and hitting on her, about having wild, outrageous sex with her, just to spite Meredith. Then he remembered that she had said she was involved with someone. It was right about then that he realize he was pretty drunk. So he did the only thing a sensible man in his position should do, he ordered another drink.

Suddenly the bell above the door jingled and in walked a ferociously attractive looking red head. She stormed in, threw her bags on the counter and sat on the stool next to his. After all this, she caught his eye and looked at him as if to say "can I help you with something?" Derek smiled at her, the first sincere smile he'd felt since he'd been in Seattle and said, "Rough day?"

She looked at him again, "You can't even begin to imagine."

He gave her a sideways smirk, "Try me."

"Buy me a drink and you've got yourself a deal."

He extended his hand, "Derek Shepherd."

She accepted it, "Addison Montgomery."

The next morning, Derek woke up with a pounding headache and little recollection of anything that occurred after his meeting with Addison. He sat up, realizing he was in an unfamiliar bed. "Shit. Shit. Shit. Shit," He thought. _I cheated on my wife. I cheated on Meredith._

"Hey there sleepyhead," called a voice from the doorway. "I thought you would never wake up, would you like me to make you some breakfast…or is your stomach a little tender after all that Johnny Walker?"

Derek grimaced at the thought of food, "I think I'll be good with the college kid's breakfast: dry toast, water, and Tylenol."

Addison smiled at him, "Coming right up!" With that she left the room.

It was then that he realized he was still completely clothed. He also didn't feel like he'd had sex recently. He'd know if he'd had sex last night, right? He decided to venture downstairs and get some answers from Addison. _Okay, this is easy. Just put one foot on the ground then the other. Good. Now move and support your whole body. There you go. The dizzy feeling in your head will go away…as will the nausea…eventually._

He slowly made his way down the stairs and into her kitchen. "This is a really nice house you've got here…do you live here alone?"

Addison smiled at him as she handed him his 'breakfast', "Wow, you really don't remember much from last night, do you?"

He gratefully took the glass from her, swallowed the Tylenol, and said "No, not at all really, I'm sorry. By the time you walked in I was already pretty gone."

"Oh don't worry about it, it's probably better if you don't remember the majority of the conversation anyway."

Derek looked up from his toast, "That's suppose to comfort me?"

She smiled, "You want me to give you a play-by-play?"

"If you don't mind."

"Well," She began, "It's good to know I'm so unforgettable." At his scared expression, she continued, "don't worry I'm just kidding. Essentially, you built up a hefty bar tab, bought me 2 cap codders, and listened to me pour my heart out about a fight I had with my boyfriend Mark. As I was going to leave you got up and were searching for your keys. I," She paused for dramatic effect, "being the ridiculously nice woman that I am, offered to drive you home." She finished with a smile.

"Okay." Derek said, "except for one thing."

"Yes?"

"That wonderfully eloquent story doesn't explain why I woke up in your house."

"Oh, well. Once we were in my car, you realized that you had left your hotel key-card in your car and we were already on the highway…so I simply offered to let you stay here since we were both going to be going back to Grace today anyway."

"Right," Derek pretended to follow, "makes perfect sense…"

"…Because I work there as well, which is something we also established during your apparent Johnny Walker blackout."

"Yeah, um, I haven't been that drunk since, well…it's been a while."

"So you told me, repeatedly, last night."

"What else did I happen to tell you?"

"Not much, once I was finished complaining about Mark, who also works at Grace by the way, and we discovered that we had the hospital in common, you were somehow convinced that I was a Neurosurgeon. You kept going into detail—incredibly boring detail—about recent cases you've seen."

"Oh," He sighed, finishing up his toast. "Well thank you very much for taking pity on my pathetic drunken self. I'm assuming you have to be at the hospital soon, so if I could just hitch a ride with you I'll be out of your hair."

"Not a problem."

After riding back to the hospital with Addison and agreeing to have lunch again soon, Derek got in his car and headed back to the hotel. He could not wait to simply take a nice steaming shower, throw on a nice pair of pjs and sleep the day away. As he was rummaging through his suitcase his hand came across something stiff at the bottom. As he pulled it out he quickly cursed, "Shit!", at the paper cut he received.

Once the shock was over, he reached back down and pulled the offending paper out. What his eyes came in contact with made his heart contract in pain. It was a picture of him and Meredith from a vacation they had taken to Hawaii four years ago. They were laying in the sand, Meredith was kissing his cheek while he was completely unprepared for the photo. It was one of those self photographs. Meredith had taken it; he could actually see half of her arm in the picture. He was holding her so close. He remembered that picture like it was taken just a few minutes ago…

Flashback

"Derek! Come in the water! It's gorgeous!"

He looks at her smiling, "I think the view from right here is plenty gorgeous."

Meredith turns around and rolls her eyes at him, "Alright Casanova, enough with the lines, come in the water."

Derek looks at her mischievously, "Who says I was talking about you? Besides if I came in the water, who'd watch our stuff?"

"First of all," she states, as she begins to exit the water and walk on the beach towards him, "I'm not all that concerned about our stuff being stolen by all--" she gestures wildly at the empty beach, "—of these people. And second of all!" She exclaims the last part, running toward him and pushing him into the sand, giggling wildly.

"Hey! Hey! Hey!" He says, fighting back his own fits of laughter. He finally gains control and rolls her over, kissing her wildly.

She breaks the kiss, "and what's this you always say about me not having control?" she says breathlessly.

He leans down at whispers into her ear, "You want to know what I think we should do right now, Meredith?" He then pulls back and looks intensely into her eyes. She swallows hard. He leans over her, never breaking the eye contact, grabbing something behind her head, and finally smiles sexily and says, "take a picture!"

Meredith looks up at him. Her face at first shows disappointment, then amusement as she smiles sweetly and says, "absolutely darling, you're the one who's going to have an erection for the rest of the afternoon!"

He looks at her with shock in his eyes as she takes the camera, kisses his cheek and snaps the picture. Immediately following the picture Derek ripped the camera out of her hands and throws her back into the sand, kissing every erogenous zone he can think of.

Finally breaking the kiss, she says to him, "okay fine, I'll concede, but can we take this back to the hotel? Sex on the beach sounds hot, but sand in the va-jay-jay equals no sex for the rest of the vacay."

"Well," Derek says, already beginning to gather their stuff, "we can't have that, now can we?"

End Flashback

Derek sighed as he flipped the photo over and read the note Meredith had written on the picture:

Derek,

Now you'll always have a photographic reminder of the hottest sex we've had. (To date that is! ;)) Take this on your consults and think of me when you get lonely. Remember, I'm just a phone call away!

Love,

Meredith

Derek threw the photo back into the suitcase and laid down on the bed, the consults, the stupid fucking consults, that's when it all started…


	3. Chapter 3

Flashback

"MEREDITH!!!"

Meredith turns in the direction which she had just hears what sounded like her name, only to see one of her best friends arguing with the house bandmates. Oh god, she thinks, not again Lauren…

"What is it Lauren?" She yells back, over the bustling crowd, from her comfortable seat at the table of the crowded bar.

"This guy, he won't let me sing! I can totally sing Sublime right now!!! But this ass won't let me!"

Rolling her eyes, Meredith gets up, sorrowfully walks over to where Lauren is standing, obviously plastered. She looks at the band, who is clearly irritated wanting to simply get back to their set. She pushes Lauren into a crowd of her friends, and mumbles and apology, hoping to make as little of a scene as possible, Which is, of course, highly unlikely, seeing as they're in a not-so-crowded, but not empty, bar on a Thursday night, at the front of the room.

"Meredith!" Lauren exclaims.

"Yes, Lauren?" She says, slightly exasperated by her friend.

"Miller Lite drafts are a doller here, ONE DOLLER! Can you believe that? In the city? In faunal hall?! That's insane! Want me to buy you one? I'LL BUY A ROUND!"

At this declaration everyone at the table is excited, and gets up to follow Lauren to the bar, excited to receive their free beers. Meredith stays behind to reserve the table. As she was sitting there listening to the band play, someone casually slid into the chair across the table from her. She looked over at him and smiled questioningly.

"So," he began, "how are you doing tonight?"

She smiled at him, "I'm doing well, and yourself?"

"Not too bad, not too bad."

Just then her friends returned with a ridiculous number of beers and Meredith sighed to herself. Damn, he was cute, now he's going to chat up all my hot, drunk, and horny friends. Especially Lauren.

"So," he started again, "What might your name be?"

She smiled, "Guess."

"Hmm…you look like a Sara" She shook her head, "okay….Meredith?"

She looked at him incredulous, "Seriously?!"

He smiled at her, "Am I right?"

"How on earth did you guess Meredith?"

He smiled again, "I'll tell you, but it's a secret, so you're gonna have to come a little closer…" She leaned in, he whispered into her ear, his hot breath stimulating the tiny hairs on the back of her neck, "I heard your friend over there yell it a few minutes ago, and I simply had to meet you." He leaned back and looked her in the eyes, intensely.

"Cheater!" She yelped.

"What can I say?" He grinned.

"Okay then, you know my name. It's only fair that I get to know yours."

He flashed her his smile again, "That, darling, is what I was hoping you would ask. Derek's the name, Shepherd's the fame."

She looked at him skeptically, "Fame? Never heard of you."

"You have now. And I'm guaranteeing you will again."

"Alright Casanova…" she started, he however, interrupted her.

"I'm going to be a famous surgeon you see. Give it, oh, I don't know. Five years? Then pick up any medical journal, my face will be plastered all over them."

"Oh, I don't think so."

"No? Why not?"

"Cause in five years, my face is going to be plastered all over famous medical journals as a world famous surgeon."

"Seriously?"

She giggled, "Seriously."

"We'll just have to see about that, Meredith."

"Yes, yes we will, darling." She said, repeating his earlier sentiment.

The rest of the night they continued to banter back and forth, almost never breaking eye-contact. When last call came and went, and the house lights went on in the bar, they exchanged numbers and hung around in the back of the bar as everyone was filing out.

"So. You've been undressing me with your eyes all night." He stated, playfully.

"I have not! And besides, you have too!"

"Oh I don't deny that"

"So we agree." She said, trying to sound casual.

"Yep we agree."

"Well, consensual undressing with the eyes can mean only one thing?"

He caught the look in her eyes, and decided to play along, "Oh, really, what is that?" he asked, placing his two index fingers under his chin attempting to look intrigued.

She shrugged, "Eye sex."

"Ohh, of course. Eye sex….You know, I have a think for eye sex" He looked her directly in the eyes.

"Really, you do.?" She swallowed hard.

He leaned so that his lips just barely touched her ear, "It's intense, this thing I have…for eye sex I mean." He smiled to himself as he heard her breathing become mildly erratic. He stood there, just like that, waiting, anticipating, not moving, for almost thirty seconds. Just breathing. Until he just about couldn't take it anymore, then it happened.

Meredith was dying, his hot breath was on her ear, her neck, her shoulder, her instinct took over. She grabbed his head and pulled his lips to hers and kissed him. After a few seconds he pulled back, she gasped, embarrassed and exasperated, "what?"

He looked down at her, his face mere centimeters from hers, "took you long enough!" With that, he pulled her face to his, for another scotching kiss.

End Flashback

Meredith woke up from her dream gasping and felt the tears streaming down her face. Sobs began to rock her body. She ran to the bathroom and felt the familiar gag reflex in her throat. Several minutes later she sat at the side of the toilet with a wet cloth against her forehead as she began to cry again.

She forced herself to stand up, walk to the bedroom and pick up the phone on her nightstand. She dialed the familiar number and waited for him to pick up.

"Hello?"

"Finn? It's me. Mer. I need your help."

"Meredith, what is it?"

"I…" she sobbed, "I'm pregnant, Finn."

Closing the trunk with a loud thud, Finn turned to Meredith. "Well, that's it, that's the last of it." He gave her a sad smile.

"I just can't believe this is it." She turned and looked back at the place she had called home for the past seven years. "It's bittersweet, ya know?"

"You don't have to sell it Mer…" He looked at her intently.

"It won't sell immediately," she said this with a tone Finn didn't quite understand, he was about to push when she said, "well, time to go, now or never, insert a cliché about leaving the past behind you here, right?" She turned to him, looking for reassurance.

He gave her a caring smile. "Mer, you know it will all work out, I promise." He pulled her into a hug, kissed her on the forehead, whispered a brief "Love ya" in her ear, walked down the steps, got into his car, and drove home.

As she watched him drive off, she placed a hand protectively over her stomach, "I hope so, Finn, I really hope so…" With that she climbed into her car, which was packed to the brim, turned it on, and headed for the highway.

At about 45 minutes into her drive, after having stopped to pee and get food, on different occasions, Meredith's mind began to wonder as one of her favorite songs came on the radio.

Flasback

Close your eyes, close the door

You don't have to worry any more

Cause I'll be your baby tonight

Meredith and Derek were snuggled together on the couch in their house, watching "Big Fish." It's a cool mid-November evening. She is leaning against his chest and his arms are wrapped around her. Although she is reveling in the feeling of warmth and comfort she is receiving from her husband, there is something unmistakable different about this embrace that both are trying desperately to ignore.

"Mmm," she says, looking at the dying fire, "you need to put more wood on the fire"

Shut the lights and shut the shade

You don't have to be afraid

'Cause I'll be your baby tonight

"Nah," he gives her a dashing smile, turning her to face him, "that fire over there? That one's going out. But this one?" He kisses her and runs his hands underneath her shirt, "this one, my dear, is just heating up."

She smiles at him, liking where his mind is headed. They kiss feverishly, lovingly, desperately. Meredith is moaning as Derek sucks and bites her neck, behind her ear, exactly where she likes it. Between moans of pleasure and removal of clothing, she thinks that perhaps things haven't really changed all that much.

Well, that mockingbird's gonna sail away

We're gonna forget it

That big fat moon

Is gonna shine like a spoon

But we're gonna let it

You won't regret it

"Meredith," he breaks a part, "lets go upstairs, we need to get a condom." Then of course, her husband says something like that.

She kisses him again, "Mmm, but that's all the way upstairs," she kisses him again, "and besides I'm so turned on," again, "lets," kiss, "just," kiss, "chance," kiss, "it." Shit. Or worse. She says something like that to her husband.

He pulls back, hard. "What? What is that suppose to mean?!"

"What? No, Derek, nothing, I just--"

He cuts her off, "Meredith are you trying to pull something here?" He begins redressing.

She looks at him, surprised, "I'm not trying to pull anything, you know I wouldn't do that."

"So if I were to go upstairs, I would still find that condoms in the nightstand?" He asks her pointedly.

Kick your shoes off

And don't you fear

Bring that bottle over here

Cause I'll be your baby tonight

"Yes! God what do you think I am?!" She throws back at him.

"I don't know, but that statement there wasn't something I would--"

Now it's her turn to cut him off, "Statement? So it's a statement? Dammit Derek, why do you have to do this now? Tonight? This is the first fucking time that we've been home together for more than an hour in god knows how long and you're jumping on me."

"Oh so now this is my fault?" He yells back at her.

"You're the one who decided you needed a reputation." She states in an even tone.

"Don't you dare do that to me. Don't you dare. You know and well as I do that this has been my dream for as long as I can fucking remember! If you weren't so selfish you'd realize that it's actually a good thing, I'm saving lives, not just in one city, but across the country, around the world!" He was fuming.

"I'm selfish? You're not a superhero Derek. You know how happy I am that you can help people, and find interesting cases, and get published almost monthly--"

"This is not about getting published--"

"I'M NOT FINISHED! But Derek, listen to me, I'm your wife okay? I love you. I had dreams too, some of them I've accomplished, others I've amended, because of you. I'm not saying that to hurt you, quite the contrary. But for the love of god, look around you, please? We're successful surgeons. We have good friends. And our life is crumbling."

"What do you want from me, Meredith?"

"All I want, I'll I've ever wanted, is you. You've always been enough for me, why am I not enough for you? Is it so wrong that I want to have a baby with you, Derek? Look at your sisters, they all have kids, think of all of them, how happy they are."

His tone softened as he moved closer to her, "They have different lives than us." He rubbed her cheek, caressing a falling tear.

She looked into his eyes, "We can have a different life than us."

"You're asking me to choose? Choose between you and my career?"

She looked at him, deadly serious, "Yes, I am. Pick ME, chose ME. Love ME."

Kick your shoes off

And don't you fear

Bring that bottle over here

Cause I'll be your baby tonight

Cause I'll be your baby tonight

Cause I'll be your baby tonight, tonight

End Flashback


	4. Chapter 4

Meredith's nerves increased as she grew closer to her destination. After just about five and a half hours of driving, she reached the home of David and Miriam Shepherd, her mother and father in-law. Two people who had once considered her one of their own. Two people that, right now, she was pretty sure, hated her guts. She took a deep breath, cut the engine, and slid out of the car.

After knocking she waited, somewhat impatiently, for the door to open. "You can do this, you can do this. Just breathe."

The door opened and revealed David, he took in the sight in front of him. This was not the Meredith he knew. She looked tired, worn out, but somehow, better than he would have expected after the events of the past month. "Whew, been expected you to show up for a while kid. Miriam!" He called behind him, "Meredith is here!" He turned to look at her, "Well, you may as well come in." He opened the door further and gestured for her to enter the house she had once felt so comfortable just walking into without even knocking.

As she entered she felt like a complete stranger. She followed David to the living room and sat on the couch. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw, on the mantle, staring back at her, her and Derek's smiling wedding portrait, next to the four Shepherd girls' portraits of course. Entranced by their happiness, she didn't hear Miriam enter the room.

"I haven't gotten around to taking that down yet." Meredith turned too look at her, "Tell me Meredith, can you think of any reason why I should leave it up?" The words cut through Meredith like shreds of glass.

With tears welling in her eyes, she looked into Miriam's eyes, "Please Miriam, please don't. I love him." The tears she had been so skillfully practiced holding back fell in spades from her cerulean eyes.

"Meredith. When Derek showed up here and told me about you two, I couldn't believe it, I was shocked, of all of my children, I was sure that he had found the truest love I had seen. But after a month of waiting for you to show up, I lost my faith in you."

"Pleas don't say that," She hiccupped.

"Why did you wait so long? If you really, truly mean what you said when you married him, then why in god's name did you take your sweet time to try and find him? You didn't even call us Meredith!"

She was silent for a moment; Miriam didn't think she was going to answer. Finally she said, "There was a lot going on, in Boston, I mean, between us, with me, with him. When he left, I was broken." She paused. "I was broken before he left." She looked into Miriam's eyes again, "Miriam, he tells you a lot, but he doesn't tell you everything. We…we were having a tough time…he was never there…I was never there…we were finally trying…and then, that day when he walked in," she paused, tears falling.

"Stop it, Meredith. Just stop it right now. Don't you dare try and give yourself an excuse to cheat on Derek. Every marriage hits rough spots. You and Derek had been exceptionally happy ever since you met. It was inevitable that you would have a little trouble. Look at this," She reached into her pocket and pulled out Derek's wedding band, "Derek left this here when he left." She threw it at Meredith.

Meredith caught it, looked at it and closed her eyes, closing the ring between her fingers as though it were a lifeline to her lost husband.

*Flashback*

"Please, Derek?" She looked at him sticking out her bottom lip.

"What is with this sick obsession you have?" He asked, heading in the direction he knew she wanted to go.

She smiled, walking with an extra bounce in her step, "It's not a sick obsession. It's just…" she searched for a word, "a healthy infatuation" She smiled at him.

He looked at her quizzically, "Had I known you were so interested in penguins, I would not have agreed to this trip to the aquarium."

"I told you one of my favorite books was Mr. Poppins Penguins!" She exclaimed.

"Yes, but you also said that was when you were in second grade."

"Well, it was, but the penguin thing, it stuck, okay? Look at how cute they are!" She said as she leaned over the rail and watched as the penguins waddled around in their habitat.

"Yes," He said, unenthused, "adorable. Exactly as they were the first time we saw them, and the second."

She looked at him, "Hey, I looked at the tanks you wanted to!"

"And this is the third time we're back here!" He looked at her annoyed "All I'm saying, is that we've been here for three hours, I'm hungry and tired"

She turned to him, irritated, "You said we could do what I wanted to today. I always go to that stupid racing track with you. I like penguins okay? They're cute and the waddle and they're all black and white and they don't fly."

He sighed. "You know, I have a thing for penguins…" he tried to pull her close, but she shoved him off.

"Shut up. No you don't. You don't get to be all charming right now. I'm mad. Penguins is my thing. Get your own."

"No really, I like penguins."

"Prove it."

"Adelie penguins mate for life."

"How did you know that?"

"I know something else."

She turned to him, intrigued. "what?"

"So do you and I."

She whipped around to face him. "What? Derek what are you talking about?" Her voice betraying her attempt to hide her excitement.

He reached into his pocked and pulled out the velvet box he'd been carrying around all day. He opened it up and looked into her eyes, confidently, "I said, I mate for life."

She smiled playfully, "is this your casual way of asking me to marry you?"

"Is there even a question?"

She turned back to the penguins. Leaving him there speechless, he wrapped his arms around her, whispering into her ear, "Darling, will you marry me?"

She smiled, turned her head to him, "Yes, I will." He slipped the ring onto her finger, kissed her cheek, and both went back to watching the penguins.

*End Flashback*

After a few moments she reopened her eyes, "please, tell me where he is Miriam, let me go get my husband back, I need him."

"Why, Meredith? Why would I let you hurt him like that again?"

"Because, he is the love of my life. Deep down I know you know that we're meant to be too. What we have is special. He is the most important person in my life. And he is the only other person in the world who knows what it's like to feel what I feel right now. I would never, ever purposefully hurt him."

"Meredith, what do you think you did?"

"You haven't heard the whole story."

"I'm listening," she said, finally seeing just how distraught and desperate the woman in front of her truly seemed.

Meredith took a deep breath, "It was the day I was burying Doc, Derek couldn't be there because of a surgery…"


	5. Chapter 5

It was a dreary late summer day in the city of Boston. Meredith Shepherd-Grey felt as though the weather was purposely reflecting her own inner turmoil. She sat in the car and watched as the people scurried down the streets, seeking solace from the pelting sheets of rain. She watched, sympathetically, as one young girl, no older than three, was lead by a running mother, wearing nothing but a t-shirt and shirts.

That poor girl, she thought, she's going to get pneumonia, her mother should know better. The word mother brought a fresh stream of tears to Meredith's already bloodshot and swollen eyes. It wasn't long before quiet sobs racked her frail body.

This action didn't go unnoticed by Finn, sitting in the drivers seat, "It's gonna be okay, Mer, you're gonna be home soon." He said, it his best reassuring voice, "You can take a nice warm shower, get out of those wet, dirty clothes. Tell you what; I'll even make you something to eat…" He eyed her hopefully.

She managed to acknowledge him with a muffled "uh-huh" before drifting back into a daze-like state. He hated seeing her like this, there was so much pain encompassing her entire being, there had been for quite sometime. Today though, today it had reached it's peak and then climbed even higher.

Once they arrived at Derek and Meredith's home off of Newbury Street, Meredith headed straight for the shower, half-heartedly mumbling something to Finn about borrowing a shirt and sweats from Derek if he wanted. As the warm water of the shower washed over her body, Meredith began to feel a little bit better, a very little bit.

She tried to keep her mind on everything but what had occurred today. She focused on the bubbles as they formed on her textured skin. She reveled in the feel of her fingers as the massaged her scalp when she shampooed her hair. Her game of denial was working perfectly until it became time to condition. She reached for the bottle of lavender scented conditioner that her husband had always loved so much, and she began to break down.

Leaning against the wall of the shower, Meredith Shepherd-Grey cried. She cried for the dog she had buried today, Doc. The last gift her mother had ever given her in a lucid state of mind. She cried for the phone call that she received as she and Finn had finished burring the dog which she had loved so much. The phone call which had informed her that the very same mother that had given her the dog, had never woken up that morning. And finally, she cried for the perfect marriage she had once had, the man that her husband had been, and the wife that she once was.

She slowly slid the weight of her body down the wall of the shower and just let the tears fall, as the shower cascaded upon her body, as the rain pelted the earth…

Finn was beginning to get worried; it had been almost a half an hour and Meredith still had not come out of the shower. Under normal circumstances, he wouldn't barge in on the wife of one of his closest friends in the shower. However, the events of the day, thus far, had proven to be anything but normal. Cautiously, he opened the door, and his suspicions were confirmed, he heard loud sobs coming from the direction of the shower. He walked in and turned off the shower.

The sight before him nearly broke his heart, there was Meredith, shriveled and shaking. Without thinking, the pulled the shirt over his head and went to put it on her. As he did so however, she snapped out of her daze and pushed him away. "No! Finn! What are you doing in my bathroom?"

"Meredith," He sighed, "you've been crying for half an hour, please let me put you into your bed."

"Oh god," She sobbed, "My mother, Finn…she died alone…"

Finn looked down at her wide eyes and wished there was something he could do. Besides Derek, he was the only 'family' Meredith really had left in the world. He pulled her out of the shower, forgetting about the t-shirt, and hugged her close. "Meredith, I promise it's going to be ok."

Finn kissed her forehead then looked into her eyes, "Mer, look at me, I love you, okay? I mean that, I really do." He pulled her to him, even tighter...

"YOU FUCKING BASTARD."

Finn and Meredith break apart to see the angry eyes of Derek Shepherd, just before he runs his fist right into Finn's right eye.

Derek looks pointedly at Meredith, seeing her, standing in the bathroom which they had remodeled just three years ago, naked, soaking wet. Next to Finn, who is shirtless, and wearing a pair of his pants. "How the hell could you do this? What kind of a person are you? I know we've been having difficulty lately, but DAMMIT MEREDITH, FINN? MY GOD!"

Meredith stands there, tears streaming down her face, "Derek, please, I-"

"Don't. Dammit Meredith. Take responsibility for something once in your life." He looks directly in her eyes as he says this, and she can see the pain that this scene has caused him. The look chills her into silence, causes her to simply lean back and slide down the wall, erupting into tears, for the umpteenth time that day.

Derek turns and walks out the door, he grabs his keys and walks out the bedroom door; he is on his way toward the front door when he hears Finn call out to him.

"Derek, please wait, stop."

He stops, he turns slightly, in an unnervingly calm voice he says, "Finn, if you don't want another black eye, then I suggest you stay right where you are and shut the FUCK UP. Let me leave my house."

"Jesus Derek! Can you get off your fucking high horse for one damn second? You weren't there okay? She needed someone and you weren't there…"

Derek turns, and looks at him, floored, "So you're telling me that because I may have been a little busy lately, that gives you the excuse to FUCK MY WIFE? How long have we been friends Finn? Six years? Hope the sex was worth it. Tell Meredith I hope she enjoyed it too, cause she just threw eleven years down the fucking drain!"

With that he walked out of the house, closing the front door with a thunderous slam.


	6. Chapter 6

_Finn kissed her forehead then looked into her eyes, "Mer, look at me, I love you, okay? I mean that, I really do." He pulled her to him, even tighter..._

"_YOU FUCKING BASTARD."_

_Finn and Meredith break apart to see the angry eyes of Derek Shepherd, just before he runs his fist right into Finn's right eye. _

_Derek looks pointedly at Meredith, seeing her, standing in the bathroom which they had remodeled just three years ago, naked, soaking wet._

_BEEP BEEP…BEEP BEEP_

Derek sat up, steartled out of his restless sleep. He was confused as to where he was and what had woken him up. He couldn't get the image of his wife, naked and wrapped in his best friend's embrace, out of his tired mind.

_BEEP BEEP…BEEP BEEP_

He looked around him. "Oh, right." He remembered where he was. Seattle. He was in an on-call room, at the hospital. He attempted to rub the sleep out of his eyes before reaching for the pager and seeing that it was a 911. "Great," he thought, "just what I need after a dream like that." And he clipped the beeper to his pants before taking off running.

Once he reached his destination, he turned to the intern on his case, "what have we got here, Dr. Stevens?"

"Well," she explained exasperatedly, "everything seemed fine. I was monitoring him post-op, then he just started seizing. I paged you and we gave him [random drug] he didn't respond so I tried [random drug], it took a second, but that kicked in."

He looked at the chart, "Hmm. I don't like this. The surgery should have fixed his condition." Derek began, seizing the chance to focus on a problem he could fix. "While he's stable, get him down to MRI stat and then page me again when you're done there." He turned to leave the room.

"Dr. Shepherd," he turned to face her, "yes?" "What if…" she stammered, "What if we can't see the problem? I mean we thought we fixed it with the first surgery, everything we saw before, we fixed."

He sighed, "We'll just have to look closer, pay closer attention to the details. The important thing to remember about being a surgeon, Dr. Stevens, is that we don't always see everything the first time." With that he walked out of the room. He needed coffee, lots and lots of coffee if he was going to make it through the rest of this day.

"Hey you," he turned from the coffee cart to come face to face with Addison, "hey!" he smiled, she had that effect on him. "How's your morning going?"

She looked at him, "well from the looks of you, I'd say better than yours."

He chuckled, "on call last night."

"Ahh, slept well on the cot I take it?" she joked.

He smiled, "always." They continued their talk and banter.

Across the hall, at the pastry cart, Christina and George are grabbing breakfast.

"Looks like we're getting a new love triangle." Christina stated flatly.

"What?" George asked cluelessly.

"Over there," she gestured, "McDreamy and Montgomery."

He looked, "What? No. She's with Slone. They've been together forever."

She laughed, in typical, mocking, Christina fashion, "Longevity means nothing bambi, besides, they're always breaking up and making up. And McDreamy's got that whole tall dark and handsome thing going for him. Not to mention the brooding."

Alex walked over, grabbing a doughnut, eating half of it in one bite, "I know I'm handsome, Yang, but I'm off the market."

"Get off it, I'm talking about McDreamy and Montgomery."

"Oh," he turned, to look. "Yeah, they're definitely doing it."

"Seriously." George began, "You guys all think everyone is doing it."

Alex smirked, "That's because," he started, with his mouth full, "Georgie-boy, everyone is doing it." He paused. "Well, everyone but you that is." Christina snorted. Alex grabbed another doughnut and walked away.

"Hey, I'm--"

"George, let that one be, you'll just dig yourself deeper." She threw her napkin away, took one last look in the direction of Derek and Addison and went back to work.

"I could do it if I want to." George mumbled to himself.


	7. Chapter 7

Derek made the finishing incision in the man's brain, stepped back, and smiled. "Thank you everyone, Dr. Smith, if you would close for me." With that he exited the OR, scrubbed out, and went in search of yet another cup of coffee. That was his life now. Sleep, surgery, coffee, then repeat the process. All the while trying to block out thoughts of his currently estranged wife.

Grabbing a large cup of coffee, a recent medical journal and looking at his watch, he saw that he still had 3 hours left of his shift. Deciding he needed time to himself, he ducked into a dark waiting room, assuming it was empty.

Flipping on the lights, he realized that he was in fact, incorrect in that assumption. "Oh, sorry, I figured there was no one in here, on account of the lights being out and everything, I'll go find somewhere else…"

"No, don't. Stay."

Derek hesitated, then walked in and closed the door behind him. He sat down, placing the journal on the table in front of him. The two sat in silence for several minutes.

"So," they said in unison. "You go first." Derek incouraged.

"I'm hiding. I've got a lot on my mind right now."

Derek smiled, "You're telling me."

"Yeah, you walk around this hospital like a zombie."

He was offended, mildly. Partly because it was true, and partly because someone he had known for a month had picked up on it so easily. "It's that obvious?"

"Yep. Perhaps we should start with you. What brought you to Seattle Derek?"

He sighed. Did he really want to do this? To let the true reason why he came to her into the Seattle Grace Rumor mill?

As if anticipating his hesitance, "don't worry Derek, what you say in this room stays in this room, well, on one condition."

"What's that" he questioned.

"If what I tell you stays in this room."

Derek smiled, "you've got yourself a deal." He then relayed the story of finding Meredith with Finn, driving to his parents' house, showing up in the middle of the night, calling Richard, leaving everything behind.

"Wow, that is quite a story."

"You're telling me," Derek stated, "I'm in this constant state of unconsciensness, you know? I don't know what to do. I just…I'm just so frusterated."

"Can I offer you some advice?"

"Shoot."

"If you're still thinking about it, a month later, then you still love her."

"That's not the question," He explained, "it's her. I mean how could she do that? How could anyone do that? I'm suppose to be the love of her life? Then she sleeps with my best friend? What kind of a person does that?"

"I don't know man, people do crazy things." There was a long silence.

"So," Derek said, "what was it that you were in here hiding from."

"Addison."

"Addison?"

Mark reached into his pocket and pulled out a blue velvet box. "I have had this for three months. I can't decide if it's lack of nerves or opportunities which has blocked me from just asking her."

Derek looked at him for a moment, thoughtful. "Most likely nerves. Cause there's never the right moment, but then there's always the right moment."

Mark raised his eyebrow questioningly.

"Any moment you ask her will be the right moment, but it won't feel like it until you ask her."

"I don't know, what if she says no?"

Derek looked at him, smiling sadly, "Mark, she loves you, you two have a volatile relationship for sure, but she'll say yes in a second. Ask her."

"Thanks."

"No problem."

Mark got up to leave. Once he was at the door he turned to Derek, "hey, I meant what I said, talk to your wife."

Derek only sighed in response. Mark looked as though he were about to say something, but then thought the better of it and left the room. Derek rubbed the bridge of his nose between his thumb and index finger. The irony of the fact that that man was about to start a happy marriage while his was crumbling, was not lost on him.


	8. Chapter 8

Sometimes I feel like something is wrong,

and the same goes for you.

But you're not seeing the world at all,

oh yeah, the same goes for me.

"He ran out the door, and I just, I couldn't go after him, I was in shock, Miriam, I…I just…" Tears escaped Meredith's eyes and she had to pause for a moment to collect her self.

This is not the be all and end all for us,

the being and the ending and all the above,

there's more.

I used a little,

a little used to be too much for me.

"Oh god, Meredith…" Miriam had no idea how to properly express herself. She felt terrible. Not only was everything she had believed for the past month completely incorrect, but her poor daughter in-law had been suffering, almost completely alone. "Honey, I don't know what to say….I'm so, terribly, terribly sorry. I wish I could help you in some way."

Meredith looked at her gratefully, "I know. This is helping. You, looking at me the way you used to, not as though I'm the tramp that broke your son's heart." Miriam stood up and repositioned herself on the couch next to Meredith, wrapping her arms around her.

After a few minutes of embracing, and crying together, Miriam finally spoke up, "Meredith, I love you like a daughter, you know that, but, one question still remains." She brushed some hair out of Meredith's face, looking at her.

But we're not here to judge you,

we want to be your friends now,

and we can make you feel like

everything is gonna happen for a reason.

Meredith wiped the tears off of her cheeks, sniffled, "What do you want to know?"

"If this is what happened, and I'm not saying I doubt you in anyway, but sweetheart, why didn't you come sooner? Or call Derek?" She asked with concern evident in her voice.

Meredith looked down; she'd been anticipating this question. "I did call him. Several times, he didn't answer. I left messages, I don't even know how many, asking him to call me back. I wasn't going to tell that story to his voice mail. He never called."

"Okay…" Miriam understood, but urged her to continue.

"As for coming here sooner, well, I had just lost my mother, you know? I mean I couldn't just jump in a car. And I felt rejected. My husband, the love of my life, just walked in, saw something, misunderstood and left. Granted, the scene he saw was very incriminating, but he didn't even give me a chance to explain. If he had at least looked at me he would have seen what a mess I was. I felt rejected and broken. And sure, part of it was pride. I've been fighting hard for our marriage for the past three years." She felt her eyes watering again.

Miriam was shocked by this, "Three years?"

Meredith nodded, "Yes, ever since he started his own practice and starting taking consults. He has hardly been home. I'm not trying to say that it's his fault. We're both busy; I was trying to build my career too. I was working insane hours at the hospital and he was away all the time…we never saw each other. When we were together things started to become strained, we were becoming strangers who knew each other very well.

"We were trying though, you know? Really trying, we were getting to the point in our careers where we could make our own schedules. Then all the sudden this happened. I couldn't believe he would think that I would cheat on him; I would never ever cheat on him, and with Finn? Come on. So I stayed in Boston. I hoped beyond all hope that he would come home, that he would call me back. He didn't. I assumed he wanted nothing to do with me. So I just tried to grieve and live day to day. "

Miriam sighed empathetically, "What made you decide to come now? Clearly you're still upset, and no offense Meredith, but I know you, you're still stubborn and proud, that's one of your greatest qualities."

Meredith chuckled at this, "I found out two weeks ago that I'm pregnant."

"Oh my!" Miriam gasped.

"As stubborn as I am, I could never keep a child from him, he's still my husband, and he never sent me any divorce papers or anything of that sort, so I'm keeping my hope in that. I'm swallowing my pride and going to find him. If it kills me, he will listen to me."

Miriam couldn't hold the grin from her face, "Oh Mer! I'm so happy for you! I just wish this were under different circumstances."

Meredith smiled, "Thanks, there is one thing you can do."

"Anything."

"Tell me where he is. Tell me where to find my husband."

"Seattle. He's in Seattle."

Meredith sighed, "I guess he really couldn't wait put as many miles as possible between us, huh?"

"Well--"

"No, it's ok, I guess I'm headed to Seattle. Do you think I could stay here tonight? I don't think I'm up to traveling out there tonight. I need to rest, regroup, figure out a plan…"

Miriam smiled, "I wouldn't have it any other way. Now, how about I make you some of that famous chicken bricschetta that you love so much, hmm? You must be starved?"

Meredith looked at her gratefully, "You have no idea." The got up and headed to the kitchen. "Oh and Miriam, could you do one other thing?"

"What do you need?"

"Could you not mention any of this to Derek? I think it would be better a better idea if I told him myself, well that or a monumental mistake…"

Miriam nodded understanding, "absolutely, mum's the word. Now, lets get some food, huh?" She smiled and went about looking for ingredients. Just then David walked into the kitchen.

"What's going on in here?" He asked curiously.

"Meredith is staying here tonight." Miriam answered him, as if it were the most obvious thing in the world.

"Oh. Okay….what are you cooking?" He took a seat next to Meredith at the counter.

You can come with us now,

There's no need to be scared now, be scared now,

We can make you feel like everything is gonna happen for a reason.


	9. Chapter 9

June 1994

After being violently shaken awake, Meredith opened her eyes, allowing them to adjust to the light, finally taking in the sight of her roommate and close friend, Lauren. She yawned, "What in god's name? Lauren, what time is it? Today is my first day off in like, god knows how long."

"Meredith, shut up." The tone in her voice and the look in her eyes cause the last remnants of sleep to escape Meredith's now wide awake body, "There's been an accident."

Fear shot through Meredith's body like a bolt of lightening. "Oh my god. Please tell me it isn't Derek?" She searched her best friend's eyes. Lauren took a deep breath, cast her gaze downward and took her hand, "No! Please no. NO no no no no no no no." She felt tears begin to sting her eyes.

"Mer, listen to me," Lauren pulled her close, "he's at the hospital right now, they just called a few minutes ago. They said he told them to call his fiancé."

Meredith's head shot up, "he told them to call?"

"Yeah…look, let's get dressed and I'll head over there with you okay?" She said reassuringly.

Meredith nodded, "yeah, okay." The next two hours were a bit of a daze. She had gone about getting her things together, following Lauren's lead. Before she knew it, they were no longer in Cambridge, but at Mass. General, a hospital Meredith had known all too well as a young child.

As luck would have it, Meredith was entering at the same time that Miriam had gone looking for one of her daughters, she spotted her and lead her to Derek's room.

Walking in, Meredith took a deep breath. There sat Derek in a hospital bed, his leg in a cast, scrapes on his legs and arms, a rather large cut on his forehead, but very much awake and alive. She exhaled.

"Dammit!" She wanted to slap him across the face. "You scared the shit out of me! Do you know that? Lauren woke me up this morning and told me you were in an accident and in the hospital!" She exclaimed, not caring that his mother, father, and two of his sisters, one of whom she had never met, were in the room.

He looked at her, bemused. "Meredith--"

She looked at him, raging, "What!"

"I'd like you to meet my sister, Emily." He said pleasantly.

She looked at him, unable to speak for a minute. "Seriously?! Seriously. You think this is funny? In the cab ride over here I was imagining what I would say during your eulogy Derek. I thought you were dead, or dying." She turned, "It's nice to meet you, Emily!" She said the last part in the same tone with which she had been yelling at Derek.

"You too, Meredith."

The Shepherd family just looked on in amusement at the scene that transpired between the two. It was clear to them that Meredith was absolutely livid at Derek, and that Derek was finding some sort sick humor in the whole thing.

"Meredith." She looked at him, "you're very cute when you're angry and rambling. You get all fidgety and gesticulative."

She sighed, "promise me you won't ever do this to me again." She expressed, walking toward the bed, caressing his cheek, placing a light kiss on his lips.

He grinned, knowing he had won, "Promise." He put his arms around her. "Besides…my bike was totaled in the crash. It'll be a while before I can afford another one." Meredith whipped out of his embrace, while the Shepherd family worked hard at stifling their laughter.

"Oh no you don't. You're never riding a motor-cycle again. That Harley was the biggest death trap on the road. If you expect me to still marry you, your biker days are over." At this a sharp intake of breath could be heard from all the Shepherds in the room, besides Derek, that is.

Derek winced. "First of all, it's a Ducati. Second of all," he pushed Meredith back so that he could see the rest of his family, "Hey, Mom, Dad, Em, Lynn, Meredith and I are engaged!"

August 1994

"Mmm," Meredith moaned, "I can almost taste that Pizzaria Regina pizza right now. I'm so hungry." She said, emphasizing the word 'so.'

"You're the one who insisted we skip lunch in order to finish unpacking boxes." Derek reminded her, as they walked through the crowded streets.

"Yes, that's because I wanted to be able to eat an exuberant amount of that delicious pizza, you're buying it after all." She elbowed him.

"The pizza is good, but you don't know good pizza until you've had New York pizza." He informed her.

"Blah blah blah, This coming from a Yankees fan."

"Oh don't you start down that road again." He stated, only half serious. "You know how hard it was for my family to let you in after finding out you liked the Red Sox."

"Might I remind you're the one who chose to go to school and live in Boston, the city of your arch nemesis baseball team? Don't go dissing my boys."

"Technically, I chose to go to school in Somerville. You're the one who made me move directly into the city…snob."

"Okay, okay." Lauren cut in, "as much as I love you guys, and I really mean that," she rolled her eyes, "can we please just make it to the pizza place and back? I, after all, was kind enough to offer to help you move. I didn't sign up for an episode of the dating game."

Derek and Meredith just looked at one another and laughed. Meredith was about to say something when she thought she saw a face she recognized. She did a double take.

"Meredith?! Meredith Grey?!" The familiar man exclaimed.

She stopped, it was him. "Oh my god! Finn! Finn Dandridge! I haven't seen you since senior year of high school! How are you?!" They hugged and kissed eachother on the cheek.

"I'm good, I'm good. Just on my way to catch the train." He said, noticing for the first time that she wasn't alone, but was with a very attractive blonde, and a dark haired man.

"Oh," she turned, "This is my fiancé, Derek, and this," She grabbed Lauren by the shoulders and pushed her towards him, "is my best friend in the whole world Lauren."

"It's nice to meet you both." Finn smiled.

"Likewise." Derek said, evenly.

"The pleasure is all mine." Lauren stated flirtatiously.

"So," Derek began, "How do you and Meredith know eachother?"

"Oh god," he sighed, thinking nostalgically, "Meredith was my first kiss, back in 9th grade"

"Oh," Derek looked at Meredith.

She smiled at him, knowingly, "Yeah, we 'went out' for what, like a week Finn? Then he started dating one of my friends."

"Oh…" Lauren felt the situation was about to get awkward.

"But we were really good friends all throughout high school. It's really a shame we lost touch." He looked at his watch, "Shit, if I don't book it I'm gonna be late, but here lets exchange numbers and we'll meet up soon."

Meredith smiled, "Yes, we'll have to get some lunch or something, talk about the old days." They swaped numbers.

As Finn was about to walk away, he gave Meredith another hug and whispered in her ear, "Seriously, I mean it, you're not getting out of my life for another few years, and pass my number along to your cute friend!" He pulled away, "It was nice to meet you both!" With that he was off.

Meredith smiled, "So, who's ready for some pizza?"

Lauren looked at her, "He hugged you pretty tight."

"He wanted me to give you his number."

"You know, I really am famished!"

Derek put his arm around Meredith, "how about we sit there and eat, get a few pitchers? We can always finish unpacking when we get back. The boxes aren't going anywhere."


	10. Chapter 10

Meredith carefully and methodically stepped out of the car, running a hand over her chinos, reviewing her appearance a final time in the side mirror of her rental car. With a psudo-confidence, she strode casually into the northeast entrance of Seattle Grace Hospital. Her outward appearance never once letting on that her insides were having their own gymnastics competition.

She pressed the button for the floor she needed by the elevators, as the doors opened, an attractive man walked out, talking on his phone, "yeah, yeah I know, I'm on my way. I should be there in an hour. I'm going to try and make the nine-thirty ferry." He smiled politely as he passed by her.

"Seattle has ferry boats…" she said, to no one in particular, stepping onto the now vacant elevator. She rode to the floor she needed, as she gathered when passing by the directory just a few moments ago, and stepped on to the surprisingly bustling surgical area. She couldn't decide if she was dreading or hoping to 'coincidentally' run into Derek.

As she began walking, a voice stopped her, "Excuse me," she stopped, slowly turned, "who exactly are you and what are you doing on this floor?"

"I'm here to see Chief Webber."

"Okay, how about a name."

"Dr. Meredith Grey." She smiled and extended her hand, "and who may I ask, are you?"

"It's a pleasure to meet you," she was taken aback, "I'm Dr. Bailey, do you need assistance finding the Chief's office?" Her once aggressive demeanor altering completely upon learning who she was speaking with.

Meredith shrugged this off, "Oh, no, thank you though, I simply go up those stairs," she pointed, "down that hallway, through those doors and around the corner?" she said, figuring it out in her head while she was speaking. "Right?"

Bailey nodded, "yes, that's right."

"Well, then, thank you for your assistance. I'll just be on my way." Meredith turned and headed toward the stairs.

"Oh, you do that." Bailey mumbled to herself. "Pompous surgeons walking in like they own the place…"

Meredith made her way to the Chief's office, all the while keeping a watchful eye out for Derek. She knocked, her stomach doing flip flops. Or perhaps that was the baby kicking. She wasn't sure. Her hand briefly grazed her abdomen and she smiled, remembering why she was truly here.

"Come in," she heard from the other side of the door.

"Here goes nothing." She opened the door and walked in, coming face to face with a man she hadn't seen since her wedding. "Hello Richard."

He looked at her, taken aback. She was one of the last people she would have expected to see in his hospital. "Meredith. You look wonderful as ever. How are you doing?"

She gave him a polite smile as he took her hands and kissed her cheek, "I've been wonderful since you took my husband and gave him a job three thousand miles away from me. How's Adele?"

He sighed, he wasn't surprised that this was why she was here. "Meredith, Derek called me, said he needed a change of scenery and asked if my offer still stood. I didn't realize he'd be coming out alone--"

She placed her hand in the air to stop him, "don't worry, I'm not here to yell at you."

He looked at her, somewhat confused, "Then, if you don't mind me asking, why exactly are you here."

"SHG is an up and coming hospital in many regards. I know you've wanted Derek to head up your neuro department for a while because, lets face it, he's the leader in the field."

'Yes…" he trailed off, not liking where she was going with this.

"I read recently, that you've been purchasing equipment and building up quite the impressive neo-natal surgical unit." She stated. "And we both know that when it comes to neo-natal neurosurgery, I'm the leader in the field."

He sighed and looked down. This was not what he needed this morning. He already had a tight board. "Meredith, you are a very talented surgeon, the best in your field, no doubt. But I'm not in the business of repairing failed marriages."

"No. You are, however," She paused, "in the business of tearing apart families." He just looked at her, incredulous, "that's right, I know. You're the reason my father left. You're the reason my mother was never around. You're the reason my mother was broken. You left, with your wife, came back here." None of this was said with any of the resentment Meredith actually had for the man that Derek held in such high esteem.

Richard was shocked. He had no idea Meredith had any idea of his affair with Ellis. "Meredith, I…I loved your mother very much. Life," he sighed, "life was just complicated back then."

"Is that why you came back to Boston to teach? So that you could try to see my mother again? Even though you were still married?" He looked away. "Well I'm sorry to tell you Chief Webber," she emphasized the word 'Chief', "but by the time you came back looking for her, she had developed Alzheimer's."

He looked at her, "Oh, Meredith, I'm so sorry."

"Don't apologize to me, I'm not the one you broke." 

"How is she?" He almost didn't want to know. "At your wedding, you said she was traveling. She was that sick back then?"

"Yes. And now? She passed away last month." She looked down, willing the tears not to fall.

Richard's heart dropped, he wanted to cry as well. "Meredith, I never wanted to hurt your mother, I just…I wanted to do the right thing, I never wanted to tear your family apart."

She looked at him, the only thing betraying her confident exterior being the hurt in her eyes. "Richard, do this for me then. I know it's unethical for me to ask this of you. But we both know that unethical things go on in this business every day. I need Derek. I need to be here. Almost all of my long term from Children's in Boston will be willing to make the trip out here for continued care. That's one hell of a reputation."

Richard looked at the broken woman in front of him. He had changed her diapers, then in a strange twist of events he'd been her boyfriend's instructor at Tufts. That seemed, to him, a little to coincidental to ignore. Their fates had been intertwined for a reason. "there is a consult I could use you on. We can play it by ear from there."


	11. Chapter 11

A/N: Happy Sunday! I want to thank those of you that have come to read this story, especially those that have stayed to review. I originally wrote this story my senior year of college when i was taking a lot of writing classes and really into Grey's. The story is actually complete, but I'm not too comfortable with one of the plot lines as when i originally posted it (on a message board) I think what I had thought would come of as completely clear and cohesive was actually somewhat spotty. Once I get to that point in the story I'm planning to do some content editing. Additionaly, i apologize for any / all of the typos; most of these chapters were writting in short intervals between classes or before going out on a friday or saturday night (or when i was hungover on a sunday morning....) Anywho, here is the next chapter. Please enjoy! :)

* * *

After her discussion with Richard, Meredith went to find the chart for her case and figure out just exactly how to proceed on her case. It was a complicated one; the procedure would not guarantee the survival of the child and in fact was not definitely in the best interest. It was going to be difficult to talk to her parents. Meredith sighed. This was the part she hated about her job. Giving bad news to parents, it was especially difficult since this was the first time she was going to be doing so, since finding out she was going to be a mother.

Approaching the nurses' station she saw the short, feisty doctor from earlier, what was her name again? "Excuse me, Doctor Bailey?"

Bailey turned, "Wonderful." She whispered to herself. "Hey, Dr. Grey, what can I do for you?"

Meredith smiled, "I'm looking for an intern to assist me on a case."

Bailey was somewhat shocked by this, "You're going to be working here?"

"Potentially. Today I'm just working on a consult. I was told by Richard to seek you out and ask for a free intern." Meredith explained.

"Richard huh?" Bailey looked around distractedly, "Izzie!" she called, "This is Dr. Grey, she's a visiting attending in need of your help today."

Izzie smiled, "alright, cool." She said, thrilled to be assisting an actual surgeon today instead of being stuck in the pit. "Hi, I'm Izzie!" she said, holding her hand out to Meredith.

Meredith looked up from the chart in her hands, "You go by your first name?" she asked distractedly.

"Well I just thought, if we were gonna be working together all day and such…" she explained, a little offended but trying to cover it up.

"Okay then. Well lets go take a look at our patient then." She explained. "And," she looked at Izzie's lab coat, "Dr. Stevens, you don't have to suck up to me, I asked for your help because I needed it, not cause I wanted to torture an intern."

Meredith examined the child, her suspicions confirmed. As they walked out of the room, she looked at Izzie, "this is bad, can you find her parents for me?"

Izzie's face showed concern, "She's not going to make it, is she?"

Meredith looked down, "It doesn't look good. We're going to do everything we can. If we do surgery, her odds of survival are only slightly better than if we do nothing at all."

"How do you tell something like that to the parents of a baby?" Izzie asked.

Meredith sighed, "As carefully as possible." She gave her a sad smile.

Izzie looked at her, "Do you have any kids?"

This question shocked Meredith, "Why do you ask that?"

"Well you're wearing a ring, I didn't mean to over step my boundaries…"

Meredith smiled at the intern's constant worry at offending her, "no, don't worry, you didn't. No I don't have children. In this field of surgery, it's difficult, operating on kids at such a young age, losing them sometimes, it makes it hard." She felt some tears in her eyes, "My husband, he, well, he was worried about me for a while, thought if I had a baby I'd start to get too attached, you know?" She stopped, realizing she had just said far too much to a girl she hardly knew. "Sorry, I shouldn't have rambled like that."

Izzie looked at her, understanding showing on her face, "no, it's okay. I get it. You can go on if you want."

Meredith turned to her, giving a sad smile, "My husband and I are kind of experiencing a little bit of a rough patch right now, so I'm tending to be a little too emotional." With that she took the chart back into her hands and began writing some things down.

"Okay, well I'm going to go, um, find the parents, but, I'm meeting my friends in the cafeteria for lunch in a few minutes, if you'd like to join us. I know we're just lowly interns," she smiled and winked at Meredith at this point, "but, if you're hungry, you should join us." Izzie walked off.

Fifteen minutes later Meredith walked into the cafeteria, her tray full of food. She looked around and spotted an empty table. As she was walking towards it, she saw Izzie smile and wave her over. Debating for a moment, she walked over, pulled up a chair and sat down.

"Hi," She smiled, "I'm Meredith, Izzie here has been assisting me all morning."

Alex looked up at her, "I'll bet she has."

"Oh shut up, Alex." Izzie muttered. "Don't mind him, he's an ass."

"An ass who you sleep with almost constantly." Christina muttered.

"It's nice to meet you, I'm George. Where are you from?"

"Boston." Meredith quickly answered between bites.

"A little hungry, Doctor…" Christina quipped.

"Grey."

"Grey? Doctor Meredith Grey? As in Ellis Grey's daughter?" Christina was shocked.

Izzie looked over at her as well, surprised she hadn't connected the dots. Meredith sighed. She hated when people figured out who her mother was for the first time.

"The one and only." She answered casually.

"What are you doing here?" Christina asked, as though Seattle was the lowleiest place to be.

Izzie smiled, "We have a [rare brain disorder in a baby]."

"No way! I would kill to get in on that! Are you operating?!" Christina exclaimed jealously.

Meredith answered, "Yes, I just spoke with the parents, her surgery is scheduled for this afternoon."

"Wait you're operating? Why didn't they just ask McDreamy to do it?" Christina asked rhetorically.

Meredith giggled, "McDreamy?"

Izzie smiled, "Oh, he's our hot head of Neurosurgery. Total dreamboat."

"Excuse me?!" Alex stated. "I'm sitting right here.

"Head of neurosurgery?" Meredith asked in a weak voice.

"Yeah, Shepherd's his actual name" Alex answered, glaring at Christina and Izzie, "all the chicks around here dig him. To bad he's boffing Montgomery."

"Boffing?"

George spoke up, "Dr. Montgomery, she works in obstetrics. A few people around here thinks they're fooling around cause they hang out all the time. You'll probably get to know her if you hang out here long enough."

Christina cakled, "Correction bambi, everyone around here, knows they're doing the deed, except you." She turned to Meredith, "he has some 1950's nobody cheats idea in his head and we can't convince him otherwise."

Meredith suddenly felt nauseous. Very, very nauseous. She wasn't sure if it was morning sickness or from the fact that several people just informed her that her husband was sleeping with a doctor at this hospital. "If you'll excuse me." With that she got up and dashed to the bathroom.

"What's her problem?" Alex questioned as he took another bite of his sandwich.

Meredith vomited into the toiled several times and then sat on the floor crying, attempting to collect herself. How could he do this? How could he be so angry at her for having an affair, which she didn't even have, then go off and do the exact same thing? Was he seeking some sort of vengeance?

After fifteen minutes, she stood up, went to the sink, rinsed her face and mouth and decided that after this consult she would go back to Boston and have divorce papers drawn up. Derek Shepherd had hurt her for the last time. Now all she would have to do is make sure she didn't see him at all today.

She exited the bathroom and headed toward the elevator. Pressing the button, she waited. The doors opened and one thought appeared in her mind, "so much for that goal."

There stood Derek smiling and laughing and talking intently with a tall and leggy redhead. He turned to walk out of the elevator made eye contact with Meredith. His face fell.

"Meredith. What are you doing here."

She held her head up high. "You would know if you had bothered to return any one of my phone calls." She then addressed the red head. "Hi, I'm Meredith Shepherd-Grey, and you must be the woman who's been screwing my husband…


	12. Chapter 12

Addison stared at the woman standing in front of her. She was completely taken aback by the fact that, not only was Derek married, apparently, but that she was being accused of sleeping with him. She was about to comment on this very fact when Derek spoke up again.

"You've been in Seattle for five minutes and already you're in tune with the rumor mill?" he accused, in a tone that appeared to Addison, a mix of hatred and almost…amusement? He began to walk off the elevator, leaving her in a very awkward position. He turned, pulled her elbow, almost forcefully out of the elevator with him. "This, Meredith, is my good friend, Addison."

Meredith scoffed at this, "I'll bet she is."

"I'm--" Addison began to say, feeling extremely uncomfortable.

"You know what Meredith?" he hissed, "I really don't need this. I don't have to take it, either. You, of all people, do not have the right to give me a lecture on infidelity. Do yourself a favor and go back to Boston." He turned to walk away.

"That's right Derek, walk away," She began, he paused, his back to her, shoulders slumped. "avoid me, it's what you do best."

He turned, charged back at her angrily, "Don't you dare." His voice was dripping with venom, he paused, attempting to calm himself. He sighed, looked down, searched her eyes. The pain, sadness, sorrow, and love he saw reflected in them made him want to grab her by the arms, pull her close and kiss her senseless. The hurt he saw, that however, cause him to do something quite different…

You shoot me down in flames

You put me down a lot

But I'm giving you my heart

Go on take it

Please be careful not to break it

Just remember it's the only one I've got

It's the only one I've got

"You know, maybe you should stick around here," he started, "the interns here, they do nothing but have sex in the on-call rooms and linen closets. You'll fit right in." Though his face didn't show it, he regretted the words the moment they left his lips. He saw the hurt and the tears that welled up in her eyes. This time it was different. Before, he was angry at her for being hurt, because she had no right to be. She had hurt him, she had slept with Finn. But he had just crossed a line.

He watched as she blinked, took a deep breath. He knew this defense mechanism well. She was trying desperately to keep it together and maintain her collected appearance. She turned around and it appeared as though she were going to walk away. He sighed and was about to walk away himself, pausing momentarily, to look, longingly after her.

Meredith, however, turned, walked up to him, stared him down, and slapped him very hard, across the face. He looked at her shocked, as she walked back to the elevator, pressed the button, waited for it to arrive, and got on, without another word.

Addison, who had been there the entire time, noted, "that was intense." Then she too walked off in a different direction, ready to start her own work day.

After recovering from the shock, Derek headed toward Richard's office. "Hey," He greeted, "I'm here about that case you said was coming in today, the infant"

Richard took in Derek's appearance. He was well groomed and healthy, but the spark that made Derek Shepherd the unique student that caught his attention so many years ago, it just wasn't there. Meredith being here certainly would be good for him. He hoped. "Ahh, yes. Change in plans on that one. The family actually arrived earlier this morning and I handed the case over to a different surgeon." He informed.

Derek looked at him shocked. "You just handed the case over? Richard that is a rare instance of the disorder. There are only a handful of people who can perform the surgery, let alone on an infant…" as he said the last words, realization set in, "Meredith? You gave the case to her?"

"Derek this is her field, not yours, besides, that way you can focus on--"

"Dammit, Richard! I've been working here for almost a month. She breezes in, and in one day you're handing her a case? Why would you do that?"

"Calm your ego" Richard boomed in an authoritative voice, "first of all, in this hospital, we are in the business of saving lives. Last time I checked, your wife was more qualified to do so on this case than you. Leave your personal issues in the scrub room." He finished, giving Derek a stern look.

"So," Derek began, "You're saying that she'll only be here for this one case?"

"That is yet to be determined."

"I thought so." He stormed out of Richard's office.

Meredith walked into the scrub room with an obvious chip on her shoulder. Izzie looked up from washing her hands, "um, rough day, Dr. Grey?"

Meredith smiled ironically, "you could say that."

"Does it have anything to do with the fact that you booked it from the table at lunch half an hour ago?" Izzie asked, shrugging and raising her eyebrows simultaneously.

As Meredith opened her mouth to talk, the scrub room door burst open, revealing a very angry Derek Shepherd.

"Just what the fuck," he exclaimed, "do you think that you are doing?"

Where are the roses and whispered sighs

Where are the compliments and dreaming eyes

It doesn't matter you see

I know you love me

And real basic love never dies

Izzie stood there astounded, she had never seen McDreamey show any emotion, "umm," she began, assuming the question was directed towards her.

"I wasn't talking to you, Dr. Stevens."

"Oh."

Meredith went about getting a bar of soap, "I'm scrubbing in on a surgery, I'd assume you'd recognize the gesture, seeing as it's something you've spent the majority of the past 3 years doing."

"So, you're stealing my patients now?"

"She was never your patient to begin with, but fine, if you want to call it that, the sure, I'm stealing your patient." She stated in a calmed voice. She knew her casual answers were getting to him.

He let out an irritated sigh. She turned to him exasperated. "If you'll excuse me, I have to go perform surgery, you know, save a life. Unless you're so hell bent on holding some ridiculous grudge, in which case, be my guest. Scrub in, perform a surgery you've only done once before, unsuccessfully, on an infant. Then when you fail, you go tell her parents that she could have had a more capable surgeon, but you were to egotistical and arrogant of a bastard to suck it the fuck up." She looked at him. He didn't move. She smiled to herself. "That's what I thought. Izzie, lets get into that OR and save a life."

An hour into the very silent and awkward surgery, Izzie's curiosity piqued and got the better of her. "So, you know Shepherd?"

"Yes."

"That's why, you were uncomfortable at lunch?"

"Yes."

"Okay."

"He's my husband."

"Ohh…awkward."


End file.
